after realizing that maybe i just don't want to forget all of this great stuff that i can't seem to remember naturally anymore (most likely due to the fact that i can't stop the aging process), have vowed to start writing daily again. so, i shall start with this new beginning:
friday. it was the longest four day work week in the history of me. database integrity complaints, advertising complaints, i need this i need that, whining.... a girl can only take so much. yesterday alex took me to lunch, i suppose to clear the air, and it was surprisingly comfortable. though i think he is truly amazing and absolutely one of a kind, i am quite sure that i know myself well enough to know that there's something missing and i would have held on to that missing piece until the demise of our relationship. and is truly more important to me that he and i are friends, as it's nice to know someone who is so aware of other people's feelings.
thought of andrew as i approached the city. i suppose he represents everything i am scared of, as seems to have all the traits that i would ever look for in a guy. confident, but humble, smart, tall, attractive, charismatic, perfect posture, great smile, driven, successful, tasteful....did i miss anything? if i really admit what scares me about thinking about someone like that, it is most definitely that i really and truly believe that men like that are just out of my league. that i not attractive enough, smart enough, heck just in plain general good enough for someone like that. and no matter how many times my friends may tell me that i'm being ridiculous, i can't seem to change that notion in my deeply analytical and overthinking head.
nice to be high. it's been awhile. i am going to let my brain rest for the first time in months. i hope.
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